Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hippo gnu deer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
