What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
