I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize