Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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