I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
