Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
