I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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