i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
