Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
