I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
