did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
