I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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