Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
3pm strippers are depressing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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