those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
