Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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