I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
