last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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