Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
