Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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