Your mouth is God's brothel.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
