they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
