would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize