The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
