yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
