if only i could text you this smell
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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