drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
