he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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