you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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