I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am spending my child support on dildos
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There r osticjed everywhere
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
