A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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