Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.