No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.