My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
