8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize