Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
