she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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