He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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