just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
