I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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