Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
