I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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