Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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