WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
