If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
