This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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