Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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