used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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