My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
