Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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