I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize