you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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