I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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