Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
