Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
