I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
