I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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