Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Are we still banned from the library?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
