I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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