You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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