I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
smell my finger.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
