I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
