Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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