New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
