census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
